Hard Boiled Eggs and Coffee

When striving to reach peak physical condition it is of utmost importance to eat a well balanced, yet lean and wholesome breakfast. In my case this equates to two hard boiled eggs and a cup of coffee, served by the rage-filled soul of the wolverine.

If anyone on this planet understands the value of starting out your day with a routine bland breakfast it is the goddamn wolverine. The only difference betwixt myself and him is that he tends to eat his eggs unboiled and instead of brewing a pot of coffee he eats two handfuls of roughly ground coffee beans. If you you were thinking he just reached his hands into a bag of pre-ground Dunkin' Donuts brand coffee you would be wrong. Being the proud owner of a skeleton bonded with nigh indestructible adamantium alloy and foot long claws composed of the same, you can bet your ass that he grinds his own coffee beans with said claws. Have you ever used a Slap Chop? Well, he uses a similar method, only it is more of a punch chop. He is so angry.

Other than that we are the same. Wait, I forgot, he also eats the eggs with the shell still on. He just throws the whole fucking egg in his mouth and then howls at the morning sun while blood spills from his shredded gums. What a maniac. He is the father I always wished I could have had.

Fun - 2,500.0
Aroma - 952.8
Tastiness - 715.4
Texture -715.4

This breakfast was a bit of a paradox in that it received the first ever perfect "fun" score of 2,500.0, yet it received the lowest scores to date in the remaining categories. The fun levels were off the charts, obviously, due to the attendance of James "Logan" Howlett (Aka - Wolverine, Aka - Father). We had so much fun together! He wallowed in self pity and anguish, while I rambled on and on about how his standalone movies were the only good comic book movies because all the other "super heroes" are usually whiny bitches. Not you, Wolverine. Loneliness is your endorphin and rage is your solace.

Aside from my breakfast partner the breakfast itself was quite blah. What were you expecting, a witty write up about the virtues of a simple breakfast and the humbleness afforded those who live a life of little means? Fuck that. I'm poor. This is a poor man's breakfast. It's a good thing Wolverine showed up, he saved my whole goddamn morning.

Did I mention that I wore my wolverine costume while I wrote this?